Confronting Identity: A Deep Dive into Self-Discovery in “Fine, I’m a Terrible Person”
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Expectations are potent predictors of outcomes. If you expect perfection from yourself in every area of life, how long can you keep up until you realize that you, like all other humans, are not perfect? The only real question is when and how the revelations will come and what will it do to you. Now, that is not the only question, because there is a question of happiness too. If perfections make you happy, you will simply not be satisfied because you will always find some imperfection. Of course, there is nothing wrong with striving for perfection, but making it a condition of your fulfillment can be toxic in the long run.
But enough vague reviewing. The musing above was about Leyla, the central character of Fine, I’m a Terrible Person, by Lisa F. Rosenberg. If you are into character development, you will like her as she manages to undergo fundamental changes despite her focus on external and extramarital circumstances. The arc from an almost robot-like structure of everything in her life to where she allows herself to be flexible and loving is admirable. There is a difference between hugging your son for at least 20 seconds as you read that it is suitable for his development and being hugged for an indefinite time because it feels good. I enjoyed this most in Rosenberg’s writing, along with the dark humor with which she described the process.
Digging deeper, one can question the reasons behind this self-rigour. Fighting not just the absence of a father but the abusive legacy he left behind and at the same time NOT fighting with a childish mother who is living in a dream world and not taking responsibility for anything can sure damage one’s inner life. It is a minor wonder that Leyal did not come out more damaged. What do you do when your father imprinted this into your unconscious: “You ought to be ashamed of yourself”? You spend a lifetime recovering it. It may take an accidental partaking of a recreational drug or an actual accident to step out of its shadow.
As you can see from the above, this book made me think about mostly the not-so-random trajectory a person’s development can take. Rosenberg crafted a few characters intriguing enough to care about via an engaging story to keep following. If you are open to it, you can enjoy reading how the protagonist grapples with her self-image, oscillating between self-deprecation and moments of self-acceptance. Interwoven with this theme, it also explores how one’s perception of themselves shapes their interactions and relationships.
I did not write about the plot itself, as you can read a synopsis online at the usual places. You can read the book as two escapades: the grandmother chasing yet another opportunity imagined as the next implausible option to get rich and the mother chasing the certainty in an uncertain situation. For me, the generational transmission of behaviors and coping mechanisms was much more interesting than the actual comings and goings of the people. Of course, you cannot examine the impact of familial relationships on personal growth and self-esteem without actually describing them.
I loved the book for its positive ending and the journey leading to it. There is so much to learn from it, as it illustrates the fine line between self-deprecating humor and genuine self-criticism, traces the main character’s evolution from self-loathing to a more nuanced understanding of her worth, and shows the complexity of human connections and their role in personal transformation. It even highlights the impact of technology and social media on personal relationships.
I highly recommend “Fine, I’m a Terrible Person” for its nuanced exploration of self-discovery, mental health, and personal growth. With a complex protagonist and an intricate narrative structure, the book provides profound insight into the human experience and encourages readers to confront their own perceptions of self-worth and identity.
The author’s website: lisafrosenberg.com, Facebook page and Instagram account.
Disclaimer: I have received a copy of this book and a small amount from the author, which did not affect my review.
Year first published: 2025
